A Cell Phone Rant

Pet peeves, we've all got 'em. One of my many pet peeves is the cell phone. Well, not the cell phone itself, but the way some people use it. You know what I'm talkin' about. Standing in line, waiting to check out at a store with a bonehead in front of you talking on the phone, juggling a kid on the hip, digging in her purse for a credit card. All the while, the line grows larger, along with my impatience.

Now if her phone rang while she was checking out, that would have been different. Carry a phone, either let it ring or answer it. But she CALLED someone JUST AS SHE GOT UP TO THE COUNTER. And was it an emergency that just couldn't wait? HELL NO! Before you ladies get steamed that I'm only pickin' on the female gender, there's just as many bonehead men that possess a cell phone. And they irritate me just as much! This is a completely non-gender specific rant for sure.

How many times have I been in a public place, and I hear someone say 'Hello', turn around and say 'Hi' back before I realize they're talking on the phone. How many times have I heard the damned loud, annoying ring tones some people have in a restaurant? How many times have I gone to a park to take a walk to enjoy the peace and quiet, only to have it disturbed by some bonehead on the phone (or with a boom box, but that's another rant)?

Another thing, why in hell do people talk so LOUD on a cell phone in public? Really, the person on the other end also thinks you're yelling. And the rest of the world doesn't need to know that your kid hasn't pooped in two days, or your girlfriend farted on your last date, or that so-and-so is having sex with what's-their-name behind you-know-who's back. At least I sure as hell don't need to, or WANT to know.

I really do not care for cell phones, so of course I have one. My wife's idea. The dog has a collar and leash, so do I. An electronic one. But it is just a phone. Not a camera, not a camcorder, not a video game machine, I can't access the internet with it. It's just a phone. My wife has a knack for calling me at the most inopportune times. For instance, while minding my own business using a public restroom, my cell phone rang that was in my shirt pocket. I could carry a cell phone for the rest of my life, and it will ALWAYS startle me when it rings. I was standing in front of a urinal, doing what men do when they stand in front of a urinal. The phone rang. It startled me, not a good thing standing in front of a urinal. I answered the phone. My wife asked, "What ya doin?" Whenever I answer the cell phone, she asks me the same thing. "What ya doin'?" Talking on the phone, of course! The next thing she asks is, "When ya comin' home?" After peeing down my pant leg, real soon dear. Real soon.

So is it too much to ask for a little common courtesy regarding cell phone use? Or is common courtesy like common sense, not so common? Is it too much to ask for people to step aside to make a phone call, or to step outside or somewhere out of the way when answering a phone? How about turning the thing to vibrate mode when in a restaurant or movie theater, or even a CONCERT HALL, and stepping into the lobby to answer the thing? Or better yet, how about just shutting the damned thing off!

And another thing, you men and your cell phone holsters. What the hell is up with that? In the old west days men wore a six-shooter on the hip, now a cell phone? Do you know how silly you look, how aggravating it is...wait a minute. My cell phone's ringing...if I know what's good for me I BETTER answer...